Second chance through the street league
Image: John Anderson
More familiar with 11-a-side football than street soccer, former elite-level Swedish footballer Maria Walterfeldt has quickly adjusted to the compact, speedy Homeless World Cup street soccer set-up. Her street soccer involvement marks a return to football for her, having stopped playing two decades ago.
“I quit playing football 20 years ago, and I have really missed it, but it’s been work, family and everything in between, you know,” she says. “Also, when I quit, I quit. I didn’t go down a division or two divisions, I just quit. That’s me.”
Maria came to the Gatans Lag (‘Street League’) program via a former colleague’s invitation. “She told me all about it and I was like, ‘Yes—that’s perfect and it fits me, having a background of both mental health issues and addiction.’”
Image: John Anderson
Seven years ago, life was good.
“When I was 38, I was living … you can call it a dream life. I felt that everything was in place and I was feeling good. My marriage was really good. I was married to my best friend. We were traveling, we had fun, we had lot of friends and we had good jobs. I felt on top of the world. And we had a baby coming. So everything was great. And then he came, my son, and I fell into a deep depression, and I didn’t know what it was.”
Maria sought medical help, but her illness wasn’t well understood.
“I didn’t get good help despite seeking it multiple times. You know, I said I can’t get out of bed, I’m crying all day, I have anxiety, you need to help me. No one ever said that it could be post-natal depression.”
She focused on providing care for her child, but in the absence of appropriate care from medical professionals she turned to alcohol to self-medicate and quiet the depression and anxiety. She was functional at work and providing good care for her son, but really struggling internally. COVID lockdowns compounded it.
‘I performed at work. I did the things I was supposed to do but I was so broken inside. I wasn’t living, I was surviving. And then because of the COVID lockdowns I felt completely alone.”
Maria reached out for help again, but it took mentioning struggling with alcohol for her to receive the help she hadn’t received when she had been seeking it before. The treatment was still piecemeal. There was a rule that you had to be sober for four months to qualify for psychological support.
“I got help, but I didn’t get any psychological help to deal with what was the foundation of everything.
She was eventually admitted to rehab for five weeks.
“When I came to rehab, I was like, ‘Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.’ So I did everything they said and I have been sober since that day which is coming up on four years now.’”
Maria’s life is different now, though. “I’m divorced, We didn’t make it, unfortunately. I have my son part time, but it’s working out. I finally feel like I’m a good mother now. When he looks at me he trusts me and I’m there 100% now. I feel like I do my best and that’s enough.”
Image: John Anderson
It’s a work in progress.
“I’m still working on getting my life back, because I don’t know quite what that is, because I had my life before and then I had my life in addiction, and I have my life now, and I don’t know who I am.”
She’s lived three lives. “I don’t want to be who I was before, and I don’t want to be who I was while in addiction. So now I’m trying to find myself, basically—new friends, team, living on my own, building a life for me and my son, stuff like that.”
Her son is her focus.
“I try to just be there for him, be the best I can. We have a really tight connection, me and my son. How do you say it? He’s grown up, but he’s small.” He’s an old soul. And he loves football as well. He follows her matches and gives her pointers on her football. He follows and attends trainings and watching games now and then with Gatans Lag.
Maria’s goal this tournament is to meet new people—people she could call friends, reach out to, and hang out with. She has self-isolated and lost touch with friends during her addiction. Now out the other side, it’s difficult to rebuild relationships. Gatans Lag and the Homeless World Cup is helping with that.
“I can see some people here have had rougher patches than me, but still it’s equally fantastic. Even if you have been addicted for a year or for 20 years, it’s the same, you know, we’re all the same. That’s something I learned, that it doesn’t matter how rich you are, how big an apartment you have, how good job you have, this can happen to anyone,” she says.
“Finding street football and the Homeless World Cup, I kind of feel like a new person. The problems, yes, they are still there. But this makes me happy. This makes me feel like I’m a part of something. This makes me feel like I’m valued. I can be who I am.”
That’s her takeaway from the tournament. “I think that this needs to be raised, that there is life and there is a second chance of life if you want it. Being lonely is dangerous, and the Homeless World Cup is a proof that football and fellowship brings people together in a beautiful way.”
Written by Fiona Crawford, Photos by John Anderson